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Settled In Silence

Marinating since 03/12/2025

I wonder, how many times does the good book say “wait for the Lord,” or something to the same effect. He seems pretty set on getting that message across to us – he who has ears!

What does it mean to wait for the Lord? We use that word “wait” in modern times to mean mainly the first definition I find, “to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens,” but there are many other ways in english to use that word, which hit the meaning closer to the heart, for instance; one who waits tables – expectantly waiting to be of assistance. But anywhoo, let me throw down some Hebrew meanings, from Strongs concordance: qava, “to wait, look for, expect… look eagerly for…. lie in wait for… linger for…. to collect, bind together…. to be collected.” 

I guess with all of this I just want to reiterate a point that I have made (to myself) in other places, waiting is not a passive activity, it is indeed active. But also, even in that there is an aspect of passivity, of waiting upon someone else, but not wholly, but kinda….

Well a nice mess I’ve made of the entry to this topic of silence! I saw a glimpse of the connection to waiting and silence and jumped on it. I still don’t even know what I am trying to say, but I shall move on.

When it comes to silence, and the way that it strikes me right now, I have a couple impressions of what that involves;

Darkness.

Loneliness/wilderness.

Confusion.

Deep work.

Growth.

Darkness. I get this from Isaiah 50, the last two verses speaks of the person who in walking in darkness, their response should not be to try to get a light (indeed no!), no, but in the darkness they are to “trust” and “rely” upon God. “Embrace the darkness, but don’t resist the dawn.”

Loneliness/wilderness. Another verse comes to mind that I’ve been meditating upon recently, from Psalms 25 I believe… yes, 25 and verse 16; “Turn yourself to me, and have mercy on me, For I am desolate (lonely) and afflicted.” There are times when we are cut off from others, or that we cut ourselves off. It is a time in the wilderness, where not much grows, where not many (if any!) people are there. It is a loneliness place, the wilderness, it is a quiet place. But God does something in that place that cannot be done in the place of abundance, comfort, and happiness.

Confusion. This is just at times the natural response to such times as darkness & loneliness, we are disoriented, much does not make sense, and pain seems to be a constant companion. Why?! Our very bones ache within us (psalm 6:2). Head spinning, heart stopping. He is faithful.

Deep work. Why all these things? Because He is faithful to do the work that needs doing! He is determined to produce his kind of love within us, the unselfish and unconditional kind, but for that to take place he has to go deep, very deep, rooting out things that we never knew were within us. It is a painful work, but oh how faithful he is to perform it!!!

Growth. Jesus had something to say upon this matter; “Most assuredly, I say to you, [I think he is very serious about this truth!] unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” Wow. There is no other way, it must die! I have never noticed that one little word like I did just now reading it, the word is “if,” it shows that not all shall actually die, and if they don’t die then the fruit won’t come. Die! You must die! I guess I shall go to the next thing Jesus said immediately following that; “He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”

Don’t want to die? Woe. But if you are willing to stop loving yourself, to even hate your own life, life indeed you will have eternally. “I was made for heaven, I was made for Jesus.” (John Mark Pantana)

To die is not pleasant. So stop expecting it to be.

I shall end with the verse that inspired the title of this page, whether justly titled for its contents or not, I shall defer judgement. 

“Unless the LORD had been my help, 

My soul would soon have settled in silence.”

psalm 94 and 17.

The Ponderings of

Jack Bones

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To Hope, or Not to Hope

Marinating since December 12th 2024

Hope, what a joyous thing…unless your hope is “deferred,” then it just makes your heart terribly sick. Which then creates a rote response to hope in the heart of a man, and that response is to not hope. You see a glimmer of hope, and you run the other direction.

Someone told me earlier this year that this was the year of the open doors…well now that I am at the end of this year I would say quite the opposite, this has been the year of closed doors – right in the face, leaving a bleeding nose and a broken heart. All my hopes, all the doors I’ve tried to walk through seem to have been slammed in my face, leaving me quite bewildered some times, and quite depressed most times, not to mention the bleeding nose, again!

Coming upon a closed door, there arises in me a subconscious question once again, “Should I hope again, or shall I not?”

I was reading/listening to the book recently that had a quote from Betsy Childs Howard that went like so;

“It’s much easier to stop hoping than to have your dream deferred

again

and again.”

Oh, how true has that been proved to me this year. Perhaps, the best thing to do is to just stop hoping in the first place, then it can’t get deferred, and then my heart can’t get sick, right? (Spoiler alert; your heart gets even more sick when no hope is present)

A certain liturgy has been of great en-courage-ment and hope to me, even in hopelessness it brings hope, and even defines true hope, as opposed to misplaced hope. I just read this liturgy and that is what inspired me to write this document. I do not have the right to directly quote the liturgy here but I shall still let you in on my ponderings cerca de este; Every Moment Holy Vol. I, The Death of a Dream (page 233 in pocket edition).

Buy the book, buy the liturgy single, download the app, read it yourself. Or, just ponder with me third hand.

This liturgy speaks directly to the pain and hurt that occurs when dreams die. We feel betrayed and abandoned. All looks hopeless and bleak. The liturgy sees us right where we are at, it sits in the pain with us, but it does not draw our attention to the pain, as though forever looking at it will heal the wound. Over and over again this liturgy reminds us that there is something greater, there is a hope that makes all other hope pale in comparison, there is a hope that is not able to be broken, and until our hearts hope in that hope, all other hopes should be shaken and shattered.

Do I want to build my life on brittle hopes only to find in the end that they could never bear up anyway? Or is it better to have those false hopes exposed, no matter the hurt and pain it causes me right now? Of course the best thing is to have them shaken and shattered right now and not later, after more life has been built upon them. That is easy to say; but to have those hopes shattered at anytime is not an easy thing, with great pain will that price be paid, but I think it is worth it.

Seek the true hope, fellow Ponderer, don’t give up on that which is eternal just because that which is temporal has clouded the view. 

“Don’t doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light.” -a man after God’s heart.

To hope is better than to not hope.

And while the price is high to hope, it is more than worth it in the end. So do not give up before the end. Even when you have no strength to move, just don’t give up. Even when paralyzed, without the ability to function, don’t give up.

Remind your heart

again

and again

where true hope lies, and let the false hopes fall away.

The Ponderings of

Jack Bones

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Welcome, Mat!

Marinating Since 08/27/2023

Two things that I just thought – that I want to write; and somehow I am already forgetting the first… I say, “somehow” but isn’t that how it often happens? At least with a longer phrase. The first was a phrase that made me laugh as I said it. I shall now enter into the “think think think” mindset to remember… But before I’ll just scratch down the second thought, soas I don’t forget it in my ternary thinking…well, it is in the title: being a welcome mat to the house of God, laying down our own lives so that others may enter in, scraping dirt off on the way in even…long suffering, enduring, love like no other!

*thinking* (thrice)

Eeek, I can’t remember it! It was a great phrase I thought, but I didn’t write or record it right away, and so it goes. Perhaps it shall come back to me in time. Meanwhile, to make up for forgetting the first, I’ll write another phrase that made me laugh this morning as well, a play on an OG;

“Give a man a cup of coffee, and he’ll ask for another. Teach a man to make coffee, and make him an addict for the rest of his life.” *laughs*

Oh so great. It doesn’t have meaning behind it in the same way the OG saying did, but still laughable!

Okay okay, moving on to the “Welcome mat”

I am called to love others (and so are you), to put their interests above my own, to lay down my life for them as Jesus did for me, to really LOVE them! Therefore, this whole thing inside of me that wants to make everyone understand where I am coming from, so they can see my motives and not judge me, that thing needs to get ka-booted, to a large extent anyway. If I know what is right and loving, especially what God has called me to do, then I can do it with great confidence, looking to the fruit and not just the immediate reaction to the “tilling of the soil”. We must endure the tilling of the ground; the prep work, the pruning work, then we will enjoy the fruit of our labors. But we mustn’t try to bypass the hard work to get the fruit prematurely.

If God has given me a gift of seeing things others cannot, I must largely be contented to being the only one to see that, and still be faithful to take the actions to work towards that goal, even when others cannot see the purpose to my actions and think me a madman, or worse; a heartless person. Am I willing to take the dirt for and from other people, that they may enter into the fullness (house) that God has for them? Will I fight for them? Will I give of myself, to see them taste of the fruit? Can I let go of my own ego, lay it down, take the beatings and lashings from others as they walk all over me, because of his love for them?

Oh my God! I need your help, I need your grace! I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to be beaten unjustly! and even by those I love the most! But I want to love like you! You were beaten and lashed by those you loved the most. You took it because of the joy you saw on the other side! Am I willing to do that as well for others?!! HELP ME ABBA! I want to love like that. I just have such a hard time laying down my own pride, of putting my heart on the altar to be ripped apart and set ablaze. I need your strength. HELP ME!

I want to love with the love that you have shown me, to love with ALL my heart! Yet I know I can’t love with all my heart if there is still pride in my heart, the pride must be removed so that I can love more fully. Come do what only you can do God! As Eustace was not able to remove the nasty dragon scales from himself- it was only the deep claws of Aslan that could do it – so *shutters & cries* come king of my heart and rip deep, go to the core, remove that which hinders your love…let your claws, tender and piercing, tear me to the core. GRACE! Just give me grace, and I thank you that you are gracious even in the tearing! Cut me to the quick, and may I be humble enough to receive it.

Teach me to welcome others to the fullness of your house, even if that means I am walked upon, treaded down on the way through, and the filth scars my face, even as some deign to spit upon it. (Isaiah 50! You are with me!)

May I love like you have loved me!

The Ponderings of

Jack Bones

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